Plum Hairy
by Jack Solo Black
Summary: Diesel is back and he needs Steph's help. With no powers and an a crazy Wolf-Man to catch things are about to get a little bit hairy in Jersey... And will Steph finally give in to Diesel's flirting...?
1. Not So Super Diesel

Plum Hairy.

Chapter One: Not-So-Super Diesel.

_N/A: Warnings for heavy graphic smut in later chapters! Lol. First fic I've ever written for this series so I hope I've done okay with it. Lol. It's also one of the very few het pieces I've ever written, being as I'm predominantly a slash writer, but I kinda just got this into my head after reading all the between-the-numbers books with Diesel in them and it just wouldn't go away and leave me alone until I did something about it! Lol._

My name is Stephanie Plum and this morning, (or lunch time, as the case may have it since I'd slept in rather late this morning) while I was making coffee and trying to decide what to do with my day, there was a knock at me door. I wasn't expecting anyone so I put down my mug and walked to the door, looking through the security peephole. There was a man standing in the hallway, looking back at me and I was pretty sure I recognised him. I opened the door. "Diesel?"

"Yeah. Hi."

Diesel pops into my life every now and again, unexpectedly. He's over six foot tall, solid muscle, with a lot of wavy blonde hair and blue eyes and he's freakin' gorgeous and smells like oranges, cookies and Christmas. And he _never_ knocks.

"Can I come in? I've been sitting on a plane all the way from Moscow and my feet are hurting 'cos I had to walk from where the cab dropped me off 'cos I ran out of money half way here and I smell coffee."

I let Diesel in and took a good look at him as he was pouring coffee. He looked even more untidy than usual; his hair was his hair was down past his shoulders, dirty and mated and his torn jeans and t-shirt were filthier than usual and seemed to have more holes. He hadn't shaved.

"So, what's the deal? You never knock. Usually you just pop in here."

Diesel kicked his boots off and slumped dejectedly on my couch. "I had to knock because I seem to have lost the ability to pop." He sighed heavily. "Actually... I seem to have lost all my powers, opening locks included. I was wondering if maybe I could stay here until I get this whole mess sorted out."

I looked down at him. Diesel looked pathetic sitting on my couch, staring at his coffee, depressedly. He was a mess and he was starting to smell funny. He was still looking at me expectantly and I sighed quietly. I couldn't turn him away when he was looking at me like a poor, sad, lost puppy and in truth, I actually kinda liked Diesel. He was annoying, at times but he was also cute. Right now he just looked sad.

"You can stay here..." His eyes seemed to brighten a bit. "But not forever." I warned, as he jumped off the couch and enveloped me in a big bear hug, kissing me on the lips, firmly. It was a good kiss but I had the feeling that Diesel wasn't exactly feeling himself today. "So, why did you come here?" I asked, as he rooted around in the fridge and came out with a beer and a slice of cheese.

"I had nowhere else to go. No one else would take me... and then I thought of you!"

"Charming. Sorry, I've got no food. I have to pick up a cheque tomorrow morning. I was gonna have peanut butter sandwiches but I'm thinking I might take you round to mooch dinner off my parents. You look hungry."

Diesel smiled a little. "Yeah I'm starving."

I looked him over once more. "But first, I think I need to get you in the shower to clean up a bit, otherwise my mother'll have a freak out."

Diesel managed a genuine smile this time and asked; "Do you want to come with me?" He pulled puppy dog eyes on me. "It'll make me feel better..."

I almost melted and gave in, but I restrained myself. "Stop it! Don't you dare pull the sad face on me! Get in the shower!"

He smiled again. "What? Afraid you might fall for it?"

"A little." I admitted.

Diesel grinned and ruffled my hair, his mood seemingly improved. "Let me know if you change your mind." And he dropped his pants and kicked them off, throwing his shirt with them.

"Diesel!" I tried hard not to look but my curiosity got the best of me, as usual. I sucked in a quick breath and tried not to stare openly. Diesel was all solid muscle, lightly tanned and well proportioned. He was also rather large. I secretly suspected he was large _everywhere!_

"I could strip down further?" Diesel said, grinning.

"Thanks for the offer, but I think I'll pass." _For now_. He grinned again and walked towards the bathroom and I have to say, I rather enjoyed the view.

My phone rang just as Diesel was closing the bathroom door. The display told me it was Morelli. "Hi." I said, answering it. "What's up?"

"Not much. Are you busy tonight? My brother got kicked out again and I've got the night off. I was thinking I might come over."

I sighed loudly. "Sorry... I'd say yes but Diesel's kind of living here..."

"Living, as in permanently or living as in, just visiting?"

"Living as in, I'm not sure how long he's staying. He kind of turned up on my doorstep this morning and asked if he could stay here."

"Why?"

"He had nowhere else to go. I think he's kind of homeless... He looked so sad and pathetic standing in my doorway and I didn't have the heart to turn him away."

"You're such a marshmallow."

I sighed again. "I know. I'm taking him to mooch dinner of my parents tonight."

Morelli laughed. "I bet that goes well..."

"Yeah, last time he was there my father tried to kill him with a carving knife..."

"He's so understanding... Crap! I've got to go... Anthony just fed Bob a meatball and I think he's choking on it..."

"Bye..."

"Se ya." And he hung up.

I sneaked over to the bathroom door and listened. The water was running at the sink and it sounded like Diesel was shaving. Or trying to...

"Fuck! Ouch!" I heard him cussing and something went thud. I opened the door cautiously and peeked in. Diesel was lying spread-eagled on his back, looking dazed and confused, my razor in his hand, looking up at me. He was still naked. I tried not to stare at his, you know, too much. "Uhm... What happened?"

"I'm not sure... I think I cut myself and then I jumped backwards and slid over... I'm not used to getting hurt. It sucks."

I tried hard not to grin as I helped him up and inspected the cut. It wasn't very deep. "It's not that bad, you just nicked yourself... Geeze! And I thought you were supposed to be tough?"

"It just surprised me..." He grinned sheepishly. "I don't usually feel pain this easily and I think my balance might be a little off..."

I smiled inwardly. "Does it still hurt?"

"Yeah, a little."

"You're such a wimp."

"You wouldn't be saying that if I was still super-Diesel."

"_Are_ you still super-Diesel?"

"I hope so. I'm gonna try and believe this is just a temporary thing. Having no powers sucks!" He sat down on the edge of the bathtub looking forlorn and I went all marshmallowy again. Call me soft, but I hated seeing Diesel so depressed and sad.

"Hey, I bet there's still some things you can do real good without them, right?"

Diesel grinned. "Yeah, probably. Do you want to find out?"

"Maybe later. I think my mother might notice if I turn up with be-hair."

Diesel grinned even wider. "Really?"

"Maybe. _If_ you behave yourself at my parents place tonight... No blowing stuff up or burning stuff down."

"That wasn't my fault."

"I know. I'm just saying."

Just then the phone rang again. I sprinted out of the bathroom to answer it. It was Ranger.

"Yo."

"Yo yourself. What's up?"

"Hal said he saw Diesel walking to your apartment building about a half-hour ago. You sound out of breath."

"Yeah, I was in the bathroom with Diesel. He cut himself shaving and fell over. I don't think that happens to him very often. He seemed surprised."

"Babe. Is he living with you again?"

"Yeah."

"Do I have to worry?"

"No."

"Does Joe know about this?"

"Yeah, although I think he was kind of distracted when I told him. His brother got kicked out again and Bob was choking on a meatball."

"Babe." He hung up.

I went back to the bedroom and found Diesel sitting on the bed, still naked and staring at the floor. "What?"

"I have no clothes."

"Oh... Uhm, that could be a problem..." I dialled Ranger back.

"Yo. Now what?"

"Diesel has no clothes. He's in my bedroom, naked, staring at the floor..."

I could hear Ranger trying not to laugh. "Babe. I'll be over in ten minutes. I don't wanna miss this..." He hung up again.

I went back to Diesel. "Ranger'll be here in a few minutes with some clothes. I think he was trying not to laugh.

"Man, that sucks. I feel really incapable right now."

"I'm sure you're still '_capable._' You're just having a mid-life-crisis."

: You think?"

"Yeah, I do."

"Maybe we should test that theory..." He jumped off the bed and grabbed me, wrapping his arms around me and stuck his tongue in my mouth. _Yikes!_ My toes suddenly went tingly and my heart-rate sped up beyond humanly possible. He was a _really_ good kisser... Just when I thought I might start to melt form the heat that was surging through my body and heading south, Diesel pulled away at the sound of the door opening.

"Shit!" I whispered, trying to slow my heart down before I had to face Ranger. Diesel was grinning like a lunatic. I punched him in the arm and went into the living room where Ranger was smiling amusedly, a bag of clothes in his hand.

"Ouch! That hurt!" I heard Diesel yell from the bedroom and Ranger raised his eyebrows.

"I hit him 'cos he was annoying me."

"Ranger suppressed a grin. "Is he still naked?"

"Yeah."

"Babe." Ranger went to the bedroom door, openly grinning now and threw Diesel the bag of clothes. ""Last time I had to rescue someone naked Steph was handcuffed to the shower rail..."

Diesel grinned and gave a short bark of laughter. "Really? Who chained her there?"

"Morelli."

Diesel laughed again.

"I was trying to track him down... He was my first FTA... Unfortunately he was better than me and he caught me in the shower..." This time Ranger laughed as well. I pointed stiff armed to the door. "Out! Both of you, now!"

Diesel pulled a sad face again. "I thought I was staying?"

I rolled my eyes and sighed. "You're pathetic."

"Yeah, I know.

Ranger gave me a kiss on the top of my head and left.

Diesel was still standing there naked. "So... Am I still super-Diesel?"

"What?"

"Trust me, if I'd frenched you any longer you'd have melted into a gooey puddle on the floor."

"I would not!"

"Would too... I'm still good at _that_, even without my freaky super-powers."

"Shut up and put some clothes on! We have to go to dinner."

"You sure? I could leave them off for a while. We'll still make dinner..."

Truthfully, I was tempted to say yes to Diesels offer – very tempted. "Get dressed! Now."

Diesel grinned and pulled a pair of black Rangeman pants and a black t-shirt out of the bag. "You'll come 'round..." I was actually thinking I might - eventually - if Diesel stayed with me for too long...

I drove us to my parent's house and Grandma Mazur greeted us at the door. She eyed Diesel openly and said; "Well, isn't this just a pip! Hey everyone, look who's here! It's been ages since we last had Diesel over here for dinner! It's always good when Stephanie brings company."

My father looked up from the television. "Oh, shit! Not you again!" My mother ran into the kitchen and I heard her belting back a tumbler of Four-Roses.

Diesel was grinning. "At least your Grandmother likes me."

"She thinks you're hot."

"I know. Most women do." I hit him. "Ouch! You're gonna have to stop ding that if I'm gonna start feeling sore every time... It's not fair." I punched him again.

We all sat down at the table and my sister, Valerie, chirped up; "So, are you two still getting married?"

_What!_ My mother's fork clattered to the table and everyone stared open mouthed. "Uhm... What?"

"Well, remember on Valentine's day how you said you and Diesel were getting married and then you got me and Albert married instead? Well, I was wondering when you and Diesel _were_ actually getting married?"

I smacked my forehead with the heel of my hand and groaned. _Oh, no!_ I'd completely forgotten about pretending to marry Diesel on Valentines. I'd kind of hoped everyone else had too. Trust Val to bring it up. Grandma Mazur piped up next to her. "Oh, boy! Steph, you didn't say you were getting married! Tho I do remember on Valentine's Day... Have you set a date? We need to set a date so we can get the hall booked and get a cake and flowers and stuff!"

I sent Diesel a look that said '_Help!_' He put his arm around my shoulders and said; "We haven't set a date yet..."

_Shit!_ Not what I'd been hoping he'd say. "Dieeeesel!" I groaned again and threw back a glass of wine. My mother had already drained hers and my father was staring at his plate, jaw clenched.

"Oh my god!" My mother made the sign of the cross. "What about Joe! Oh my god! You're pregnant!"

"No! Mom, I'm not pregnant!" _Geeze, way to go Diesel!_ I glanced at my watch. "Oh, gee! Look at the time! I gotta go..." I pulled Diesel to his feet and my mother jumped up, saying; "But you haven't had desert! I made Pineapple Upside-Down cake!"

"I'll take some in a bag..." She ran into the kitchen and returned with a bag full of leftovers and another of cake. I hurried Diesel out the door.

"Don't forget to let us know when you've set a date! Grandma Mazur yelled from the kitchen. "There's lotsa planning to do!"

I slammed the door shut and jumped in my car, Diesel sliding in next to me. I cranked the engine over. "Why in god's name did you say that!"

He shrugged. "Couldn't think of anything else."

"You do realise that by tomorrow morning they'll have hired a hall and caterers and a cake and flowers and music and _everything_, right!"

"Hmmm... Cake wouldn't be too bad."

"Diesel! This is _not_ funny! This is _bad!_ They think we're getting married and it's all _your_ fault!" I yelled at him.

"What? You don't want to marry me?"

"No! Maybe! I don't know! I need donuts!" I stopped at Dunkin' Donuts on the way home and ate half a dozen in the car on the way. I parked in my lot, jumped out and stomped off to the elevator, Diesel in tow.

"Hey, it's not that bad... Lots of women would love to marry me..."

"Aaaaagggghhhh!" I shoved the key in the lock and let myself into my apartment. "If I lock you out now that you have now powers will you be able to get back in?"

"No."

Good!" And I slammed the door on him. I stomped round the kitchen for a few minutes and then felt bad. I looked through the peephole and saw Diesel standing in the hall looking depressed. _Crap!_ I couldn't leave him there all homeless and pathetic and sad. I opened the door. "Fine! You can stay!" But you're sleeping on the couch!"

"I don't fit on the couch."

"Fine! Sleep wherever you want!" I glared at the ceiling, trying to stay mad at him but I couldn't.

"Are you still mad at me?"

I sighed, defeatedly. "No. I can't stay mad at you. You're too cute when you're sad..."

He grinned. "I'm sorry. Let me make it up to you?"

I narrowed my eyes at him. "How?"

"How do you want me to?"

"Ugh! Never kind! Don't worry about it!" In truth, I _really_ wanted to sleep with Diesel, but I couldn't bring myself to do it willingly. I already had two men in my life! I didn't need a third one on my conscience. "I'm going to bed. Alone. And I expect to wake up alone."

"Sure."

I sighed, already knowing I wouldn't.


	2. Cerberus

Plum Hairy.

Chapter 2: Cerberus.

_N/A: Diesel smut in this chapter! Lol. Rated M for a reason! Lol. Also, the idea of burning down crack houses is not entirely my idea. I kinda borrowed it from Janet Evanovich but put a bit of a spin on the (rather disappointing) bit that happened after they got home! Lol._

I woke up the next morning with Diesel sprawled out on top of me. "Wake up!" I yelled. "You're squashing me!"

"Hunh? Oh." He rolled off.

"Look, I've got to go to work. I have and FTA I need to catch. Carlos Brown. He's a dope dealer living on Cherry Street."

"Hmm... I'll come with you. Dope dealers can be nasty."

I grabbed my bad and keys and we jumped in my dark blue Ford Fairmont and headed for Cherry Street. "This guy got busted selling dope to a bunch of kids then claimed he didn't know they were still in high school and skipped his court date. He's holed up at home and so far I haven't been able to get him out."

"I might be able to help with that."

I parked outside Brown's house and we knocked on the door.

"Go away!"

"Open the door Carlos! You have to go to court!"

"Well I ain't goin' and you can't make me!"

I sighed and looked at Diesel. "You can still kick the door down right?"

"Yeah." He put his boot to it and shoved and the door popped open. Carlos Brown was skinny, white and balding; he had thin brown hair and was in his mid-thirties. He'd been busted for dealing before.

Brown was standing in the kitchen, wielding a baseball bat and he had a joint in his mouth. I pulled out my stun gun and made a lunge for him as he swung his bat, smashing a glass bong off the counter. I lunged again and took out his leg and his bat connected with a pot plant sitting on the bench. "Shit!" Brown yelled, as we heard sirens coming down the road. He bolted, dropping his joint as he ran and the plant on the floor caught fire. I felt Diesel pushing me out the back as the sirens drew nearer.

There was a _whoosh!_ And then; _Whoomph!_ The whole house was on fire. Me, Brown and Diesel stood on the sidewalk, staring at the burning house in shock, horror and dismay. "Shit!" Brown said and he tried to run off. Diesel grabbed him and cuffed him, then said; "So what do we do with him now?"

"Uhm..." My brain was starting to go fuzzy and I giggled. "I don't know..." Just then Morelli turned up.

"Shit! I knew it. Steph, are you okay?" I giggled some more and shrugged. I was starting to feel really weird and lightheaded. Part of me knew it was just the dope-filled smoke talking like the last time this had happened to me, but the other part didn't really care. "Shit!" He looked at Diesel. "I'll take the FTA and get him processed for her, just get her out of here, fast!"

Diesel nodded, handed Brown over to him and threw me over his shoulder, depositing me in my car. I giggled some more and said; "Y'know, I have a really crappy car!"

Diesel shook his head. "Honey, you're as high as a kite."

"Yeah... I know! I just feel kinda happy right now and you smell sooo good!"

Diesel grinned and pulled into the lot. "I've gotta get you upstairs before somebody sees you!" He threw me over his shoulder again and I sniffed his neck.

"Mmm... You smell like cookies and Christmas..." I burst out laughing again and Diesel unlocked the apartment and dropped me on the bed, but I still had my arms around his neck and I pulled him over, on top of me. I was still giggling. "You feel really good on top of me... and you're a really great kisser... and you look really hot when you're naked..."

Diesel leaned down and whispered in my ear; "You're really honest when you're stoned... I might just take advantage of it, seeing as that's what I do..." He looked at me questioningly. "Do you _want_ me to take advantage?"

My mouth operated before my rather slow and addled brain could stop it. "Yes! Because then I have an excuse to sleep with you so I don't feel guilty about it later!"

"Hmm, good enough for me."

I suddenly remembered being in a similar position with Ranger once before, but unlike Diesel, Ranger didn't take advantage.

Diesel pulled his shirt off and threw it on the floor and this time I couldn't stop myself staring. It was the closest I'd ever seen him shirtless and the view was even better up close. Diesel grinned and I realised I was unconsciously running my hands down his chest, the hard muscles hot under my palms. I also realised that Diesel had somehow removed my shirt. "How did you _do_ that?" I asked, puzzled.

"Does it matter?"

"No, not really... just curious... Oh!" I stopped caring then, because Diesel reached down and stroked a hand over my breast. I think I moaned. Diesel bent down and kissed me, his tongue sliding into my mouth and this time I definitely moaned.

Diesel seemed to radiate heat and it started pooling down south, as one of his hands moved lower and slipped down the waistband of my jeans. _Oh, Shit!_ I wasn't usually a moaner when it came to sex. I found it distracting... but now I found myself doing it unconsciously. Diesel nibbled on my ear and slipped his finger inside of me and I almost screamed, it felt _that_ good!

"Jesus! If you yell any louder even the deaf people in this building will hear you..." Diesel murmured against my ear but he didn't stop what he was doing... I felt his finger move against my g-spot and I swear I orgasmed right there!

"Sheeeit! You're good at that!"

Diesel grinned. "I know... and if you think it's good when I French you, you should see what I can do with my tongue _elsewhere_..."

_Oh, shit! I was screwed! I knew I was screwed. Absolutely, totally and utterly screwed!_ And suddenly Diesel had my pants off, sliding down the bed between my legs and I suddenly thought I'd died and gone to heaven... "Oh! My! _God!_" I gasped, grabbing fistfuls of his hair and pushing him down further. "Whatever you're doing, _don't stop!_"

Diesels tongue was, quite frankly, bloody amazing! Diesel slid back up the bed, his own pants mysteriously gone and said; "It gets better..."

Yesterday I'd been trying not to look too hard at Diesels equipment but now I really couldn't help myself. "My god! You're huge! Are you sure that's gonna fit?"

"Trust me. I'm good at making things fit..."

I didn't doubt him. Diesel pulled my legs up, over his shoulders and slid forward, pushing in, swiftly. I screamed. This time I really did and Diesel shoved his tongue in my mouth to stifle it. He felt terrific! More than terrific... he was freakin' amazing! And I'd had some pretty good sex before this...

Diesel started to move and the Earth dropped out from under me. He literally radiated heat from every part and everywhere he touched went tingly. "Oh, shit! Diesel! Fuck!" I felt him twitch inside me and he let out a loud groan, as I felt him cum inside me and that was it. I swear I didn't care if the whole building of seniors heard me, because I had the best damned orgasm _ever!_

Diesel slid out of me and kissed my throat, lightly. I still had my hands in his hair and my legs were curled over his back. My eyes were glazed over and my mouth was hanging open. I was beginning to think my heart-rate might _never_ slow down!

"Are you still breathing?" Diesel asked, smiling.

"Yeah... Give me a minute... or ten..."

He flopped down beside me, holding me close, his breath tickling my neck. I was about to fall asleep, still floating happily on my cloud of blissful euphoria when the phone rang... "Shit!"

"It's Connie. She says your paycheque's ready."

I groaned and rolled over. "I don't want to move yet..."

"Then don't. Are you still stoned?"

"I don't think so... But I feel like I could be..."

Diesel grinned. "Yeah, I have that effect on women."

I rolled my eyes at him. He smiled and rolled off the bed. "C'mon sweet thing, we better go get your paycheque... you have no food in the house."

I got up and started hunting for clothes, finding Diesels sweatshirt, my pants, bra... no t-shirt. "Hey! Where's my shirt?"

Diesel grinned and held it up. "You look better without it. I did another eye roll and tried to grab it. Diesel jumped out of my reach.

"You keep doing those eye rolls and you're going to shake something lose in there."

I rolled them again. I couldn't help it. "Can I have my shirt back now?"

"If you ask nicely."

I sighed. "_Please?_"

Diesel grinned some more and handed it to me. "I still think you look better without it..."

"Ugh! Diesel!" I grabbed my bag and keys and we hopped in my Ford. Diesel was driving. "I hate the way you insist on driving!"

"It's a man thing."

I rolled my eyes yet again. "Sheesh!" We parked and strode into the office and Diesel plonked on the couch, still grinning. Lula piped up when she saw me.

"Uh oh!"

"What?"

"Last time I seen you this happy you was jus' finished boinking Morelli..."

Connie grinned at me from behind her desk and said; "You got some."

"How do you know?"

"You're not tense."

"Oh..."

They both glanced over at Diesel grinning on the couch, pretending to stare at the ceiling. "Uh uh, no way! You didn't!" Lula asked, astonished. "Did you?"

I couldn't fight the goddamned grin that forced its way onto my face and stayed there. _Stupid Diesel and his stupid grinning!_

Connie fought back a laugh. "She did! So, how was it?"

I glanced at Diesel still watching the ceiling and sighed. "It was, uhm... intense."

"Huh? What you mean by that?" Lula asked.

"Everything went tingly... and hot. Real hot. I think he actually _generates_ heat."

Lula was staring open mouthed and Connie was still grinning. "So it was good then?"

"Yeah... Better than good..." I could feel Diesel smirking behind my back so I lowered my voice. "Actually... he's freakin' amazing..."

This time Connie did laugh and they both eyes Diesel wonderingly. "Boy, I wish I could have suma that, but I'm jus' worried I might get heatstroke an' die or sumthin'..."

"I almost did."

"So," Connie said. "I heard from Ranger that you burnt down another dope dealer's house and got higher than a kite and Diesel had to carry you home?"

_Damn!_ "Yeah... It wasn't my fault... He dropped his joint when he heard the sirens and took off and everything sort of just, went up from there. I still feel high."

"I don' think that's the dope girlfriend. I think that's Diesel."

I thought she was probably right. I glanced over while Connie got my cheque. Diesel was trying hard not to laugh. "Well, I guess I'll see you guys tomorrow..." and I walked out.

Diesel was still grinning like an idiot when we hopped in the car. "They were staring at my ass as we left."

"Yeah, I know." We walked out into the street.

"So, I'm freakin' amazing, huh?"

"You weren't supposed to hear that."

"I know. I have good ears."

I think I blushed. "So, are you looking for someone, or is this just a social visit?"

"I'm always looking for someone. Problem is, I can't find him."

"Let me guess; you can't find him 'cos your powers aren't working?"

"Yeah, that's about the size of it."

"Well, maybe you can find him the normal way."

"How do _you_ find people?"

"Usually? Sheer dumb luck and persistence."

"Man. That sucks."

"Yeah, I know. It sucketh. What have you got so far?"

"So far? Well, apparently I'm not the only one who can pull the plug on people's power - I didn't know he could do it until he did... and now he's disappeared like smoke in the wind."

"Damn. Who's the guy?"

"His name's Cirus Stone, but he calls himself Cerberus."

"He sounds mean."

"He is."

"So, now that you're all powerless, how were you planning to catch him?"

Diesel looked suddenly uncomfortable and mumbled under his breath.

"What?"

"Bait."

"What! No! Nah ah! No way! I am _not_ being bait! Last time I was bait I almost got raped by a guy who wanted to use me as a lab experiment!"

"I promise that won't happen this time."

"You said that last time!"

"I know, but this time I mean it. No rape, I promise."

"No zapping? No rashes? And no lightening right?"

"Nope. None of that."

"Well, what then?"

Diesel sighed. "Teeth. Sharp ones."

"Huh?"

"Remember how I told you werewolves don't exist?"

"Yeah."

"I might have been _slightly_ wrong."

"How wrong?"

"Well, the full moon thing is bullshit and he doesn't exactly _change_ as such... you remember Sasquatch?"

"Yeah, he shot at me. Although I _did_ kind of steal his truck..."

"Yeah, well, it's kind of like that, only he bites. Badly."

"What happens when he bites you?"

"You get excessively hairy and get rabies, or a variation-thereupon."

"Really?"

"Yeah, unfortunately. Although you go kind of mad and slightly evil before you die and also get kind of prone to following his orders until you do. I think it's sort of like hypnosis but I can't be sure... It's messy and hard to control."

"So, did he bite _you?_"

"Yeah. I think he was trying to turn me, but instead I lost my powers... I think I'd die if he got me again, maybe... I don't want to find out."

"So how do you get your powers back?"

"I don't know. I think I have to catch him first. I think he knows he screwed up and will come back to find me, but I don't want to get too close until I know _exactly_ what I'm dealing with. That's where you come in. Usually he lures people away somewhere to bite them. Takes them to dinner, sweet talks them and then takes them for a walk in the park..."

"And if he _does_ manage to bite me?"

"I'll be nearby. Rabies and similar diseases are treatable in humans if you catch it soon enough. Oh, yeah, and after you die, you sort of come back as a scary looking wolf-thing. Don't ask me how it works, I don't know, it just happens."

"Eeewww..."

"Yeah, and then I'd have to kill you."

"That would suck."

"Yeah. I don't want to kill you. I like you."

I could tell he meant it, so I leaned over and gave him a hug. "Thanks. I kinda like you too."

He kissed the top of my head. "I know."

We pulled into my apartment and trudged up the stairs. Diesel went rigid at the door. "Shit!"

"What?"

The door to my apartment opened from the inside and a man reached out and pulled me in, slamming the door before Diesel could get inside. I heard him swear vehemently from the hallway.

"If you try to kick the door down, I'll kill her." A rough, gravelly voice warned and Diesel swore again. The guy was about six and a half feet tall, rangy but strong, long grey hair. His eyes were a feral yellow in colour and he was extremely hairy. I was like a covering of dark grey-black fur. He had a set of scars running diagonally across his face that looked like claw marks and he smelt like rotten meat. "If you scream, I'll break your neck, understand?"

"Yeah."

"Good. Now we're going to walk to your car and Diesel _isn't_ going to follow us." I nodded. I really liked my neck un-broken. Cerberus unlocked the door and pulled me out by my wrist. It felt like he might break it without even trying. Diesel was still in the hallway, looking murderous and kind of scared at the same time.

"If you follow, I'll break something..."

Diesel didn't speak.

"Get in the apartment and stay there until I call you. If you don't answer..."

"I know." Diesel gave a pained, helpless look and locked himself in my apartment.

"And Diesel... No cops. If you have _anyone_ try and follow us, your girlfriend will know about it..."

"I'm not his girlfriend!" I yelled, without thinking about it.

Cerberus smiled, showing a lot of pointed, yellowing teeth. "You're close enough." We walked down to my car, my heart pounding in my chest, my throat constricted. He opened my car. "Drive."

"Where to?"

"Just drive. I'll tell you where to turn." I drove through Trenton and he directed me to the turnpike and eventually an exit I'd never used. "Now keep driving 'til the pavement ends."

We drove about ten miles and my phone rang. I looked at Cerberus. "If I don't answer it, whoever it is will call the cops eventually."

"Answer it and act normal. Tell them you're on vacation."

"Okay." I picked up the phone. "Hello?" It was my mother.

"Stephanie! You have _got_ to get over here! Your Grandmother's driving me crazy! She's already booked a hall, the caterers, the flowers and ordered a cake! You have to stop her!"

"I can't mom, sorry. Me and Diesel are in Atlantic City for a while... Y'know, taking a vacation and all..."

"What! Since When! You never told me about it!"

"It was kinda one of those unplanned things. Call Joe and tell him I'm okay."

She sighed. "Okay... But you had better talk to your Grandmother as soon as you get back. You haven't eloped, have you?"

"No! We haven't eloped!"

"Good! Your Grandmother would be unbearable!"

"Okay, I'll talk to her. Gotta go... bye mom." I hung up.

Cerberus was smiling crookedly. "That was amusing. What did she mean when she asked if you eloped?"

I sighed. "My family thinks I'm marrying Diesel because we pretended to get married and switched out for my sister and her fiancé Albert and now Valerie thinks we're actually still getting married."

"What about your Grandmother?" He was definitely amused.

"Apparently she's already hired a hall, flowers, caterers a cake _and_ she's looking at dresses! It's a nightmare! And my current on-again-off-again boyfriend has no idea! Just shoot me, it'll be easier!"

"I don't want to kill you yet... I still need you. And shooting's not my style."

"What _is_ your style?"

He bared his teeth in a demonic grin. "I like to go for the throat..."

I shivered. "Eeewww... I don't like the sound of that. Maybe you could kill me some other way that's less painful if I promise to behave?"

"I might think about it." He grinned again. Those teeth were starting to give me the creeps.

"Y'know, you're exactly what I would expect a werewolf to look like."

He laughed at that. "Diesel told you I was a werewolf?"

"Yeah... Well, he said you were kind of a werewolf but the whole full moon thing was bullshit."

He smiled. "It is. But the biting isn't."

"Yeah, he mentioned that. Do you really have rabies? 'Cos I don't so much mind the biting thing as the, going mad and dying thing."

"Yeah. I'm a carrier. And it's a bit more than just rabies."

"That sucks."

"It does for you."

_Yikes!_

"Turn off at this dirt road."

"I hate dirt." I turned off anyway.

"There's a shack about two miles from here through the trees. Park there."

"Are we staying there?"

"No. We're going underground."

I really didn't like the sound of that. "I should mention; I'm claustrophobic."

"It's not cramped... Well, not once you get out of the tunnels."

"The tunnels could be a problem."

"I could drag you through unconscious..."

"I'll walk."

"Good. It's easier."

I saw the shack and parked in front of it. "How far are we walking?"

"_We're_ not. _I'm_ running."

That sounded bad. "See, here's the thing; I can't run. At all..."

"_You_ don't have to. Just close your eyes and hang on for dear life." He grinned again. "I'll be very annoyed if I have to stop and come back and get you if you fall off." Cerberus grabbed me and threw me over his large shoulders, holding me in one arm.

"You're not gonna crash me are you?"

"As long as you don't puke on me."

I grimaced. "I'll try not to."

He took off running through the woods and I gasped and squeezed my eyes shut. Too fast for me. This guy was definitely _not_ human! About five or ten minutes later and stopped, and I opened my eyes to the mouth of a small cave.

"Now you crawl. And you're going first."

Eep! I got down on my hands and knees and started into the tunnel. It was pitch black. "I can't see." I complained.

"You don't need to, just move."

I was crawling through blind darkness and had no idea where I was going. An indeterminable amount of time later, I felt Cerberus push my shoulder. "Go right."

I crawled to the right and what I supposed was a few minutes later, the tunnel widened to a large, oval-shaped den. There were more tunnels coming off it and I could hear snarling and growling coming up from them. I didn't want to think about what was making the sounds. Cerberus led me through a longer tunnel and this time I could stand upright. _Yay!_ He unlocked a bared door and shoved me in.

"Now call Diesel." He threw me a cell phone. Not mine.

I dialled my home number and Diesel picked up on the first ring. "Hello?" He sounded frantic.

"Diesel?"

"Oh, shit! Thank fuck! Yeah. Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Good. Stay that way. I'm running out of Pepto-Bismol. Give the phone to Cerberus, I want to talk to him."

"Okay." I reluctantly handed him the phone.

"Diesel. You know what I want. You have 'til midday tomorrow. I'll see you at the shack in the woods. You know where it is." Diesel said something on the other end. "If you're not there, I'll break her arm... or both of them." He hung up. _Damn!_ I'd really wanted to talk to Diesel some more. Hell! Right about now I wouldn't even have minded if all he'd been doing was being annoying and flirting with me... I liked hearing his voice. It made me feel better.

Cerberus shut the door and locked it. "There are blankets there on the floor. You can crap wherever you want. I had no time to dig a toilet."

"Eeeewww. Can I at least have a bucket?"

"Maybe. If you behave."

"Okay. I'm also kinda hungry."

"I'll feed you later. I have to go somewhere." He walked off and five minutes later another hairy guy, shorter, with brown hair and the same yellow eyes stopped outside my cell.

"I'm supposed to make sure you don't try to escape."

"You'll turn around when I pee though, right? I can't do that if you're watching. It's a human thing."

"I think it's a human _girl_ thing." They guy grinned strangely.

"Yeah, you're probably right, but still." He grinned some more.

I sat down on the floor with my back to the wall, thinking. Okay, so I had to admit, I'd been kidnapped by worse people. At least no one had tried to rape me or stab me, shoot me, burn me or zap me unconscious yet. That had to be a good thing, right? I called out to the guy guarding me cell. "Hey!"

"Yeah?"

"I'm going to sleep for a while. Wake me up if Cerberus needs to threaten me or anything."

The guy grinned again. "Yeah, righto."

I pulled the blankets round myself and curled up in a ball, falling into an uneasy sleep...


	3. A Slightly Hairy Meeting

Plum Hairy.

Chapter 3: A slightly hairy meeting...

I woke up a few hours later with a sore back to the smell of food. _Yum!_ I was starving.

"Cerb stopped by, said to give you some food."

"Yeah, thanks." I looked at me plate. It was all meat. I smiled a bit. _I should have guessed..._ I looked at my watch. Ten o'clock pm. "Hey! What day is it?"

"Friday."

"Oh." Friday. That meant Diesel only had two hours to meet Cerberus at the shack. I hoped he had a plan. There was the sound of talking and Cerberus stepped into view, phone in hand.

"She's right here. You'd better have what I want." He handed me the phone. "Someone's worried about you."

I smiled a bit at that. It was kinda nice to think that Diesel was worried about me. "Diesel?"

"Yeah, hey. A re you alright?"

"Yeah. I've been asleep and they brought me food, at least. I even have blankets."

"Good."

"I heard Cerberus say he wanted something. What's he after?"

"Some kind of medallion thing shaped like a wolf, with a white moonstone set in for the eyes."

"What's it do?"

"I dunno, but if Cerberus wants it then it can't be anything good. Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good."

"Good. I gotta go. I'll see you later."

"Bye." He disconnected.

Cerberus opened the door to my cell and hauled me out. "I'm meeting Diesel in just under two hours. You're coming with me."

"Okay. Then once you get your medallion thing I can go, right?"

"Wrong. I need you to make sure Diesel cooperates. I need to sacrifice an Unmentionable and take his powers to complete the transformation from partial wolf to full wolf, and Diesel happens to be what I need."

We were walking now, along one of the wider tunnels. "But I thought you already took Diesel's powers?"

Cerberus grinned. "Diesel still has his powers, he just can't _use_ them. I needed to get him out of the way, shut him down for a while, while I got everything set up. That's where you come in..."

"Let me guess; I'm bait."

"Yeah. See, I need Diesel, but Diesel's not the easiest guy to catch so, I figure if he loses his powers and is suddenly vulnerable, he'll go to someone he trusts and has an attachment to, then I kidnap them and use them as bait. I figure if I tell him I'm going to sacrifice _you_, Diesel will do the hero thing and offer to take your place. It's so much easier than trying to manhandle him."

"How do you know Diesel will swap with me? He might decide I'm not worth it and let you kill me."

"Trust me, I know Diesel. He won't let me kill an innocent if he thinks there's a chance I'll let you go."

"Will you?"

"No. You know too much. But if you behave I might put you to sleep first... That way you won't even feel it..."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, thanks." I think he missed the sarcasm.

Cerberus led me out of the tunnel and told me to hang on. We were running again. There was a blur next to us and another guy ran with us. '_Guard_' I thought. My thoughts were confirmed five minutes later as we come to a stop at the shack.

"Don's gonna watch you while I do my thing with Diesel. If you move, he'll break your arm, understood?"

I nodded. "Yeah." What was it with this guy and breaking things? Don held onto my wrists behind my back, as Cerberus stepped forward to meet Diesel, who had walked out of the bush opposite us. He looked relieved to see me in one piece and my stomach did a bit of a flip flop at knowing he'd been seriously worried about me.

"Oh, thank fuck! You're alive!" Diesel said when he got closer.

"Yeah. How did you get here? I don't see a car."

"You remember the fire-farter?"

"Yeah."

"I hitched a ride with him."

I laughed despite myself. "What? You couldn't just steal a car like you usually do?"

"No. I can't steal cars without my powers. I don't actually know how to hot-wire them."

Cerberus was grinning, clearly amused. "You got a ride with Elmer the fire-farter! Jesus Christ! It's a wonder you're still here!"

"He hadn't eaten any chilli recently." His face grew serious and he approached Cerberus. "I have your medallion, now let her go."

Cerberus smiled coldly. "I don't think so. Not until you show me."

Diesel held up the medallion so Cerberus could see it. "Shove her over here and I'll throw it."

Cerberus motioned to Dom and he counted to three. Diesel chucked the medallion but Dom grabbed hold of me again as soon as he let go. Diesel swore and stepped back, looking helpless.

"Thanks, but I'm afraid you're not getting her back just yet."

"What! Why?"

"I still need a sacrifice..."

Diesel looked like he might choke. "Does it have to be her?"

"No, but I already have her. She's an easy choice."

I prayed Diesel wasn't thinking what I knew he was. "Let her go, she has nothing to do with this. You can use me."

"I can live with that... But if you try anything, I'll kill her."

"How do I know you'll set her free afterwards?"

"You don't. But you _know_ I'll kill her if you don't do it."

Diesel was stuck and looking like he wanted to throttle someone. I wanted to scream at him that it was a trap, but I couldn't. Doms hand at my throat was kind of stopping me... Instead, I watched as Diesel stood helpless in front of Cerberus, who put the medallion round his neck and grabbed Diesels shoulders.

The wolf-man moved so fast I almost didn't see it. He lunged forward, sinking his fangs into Diesels throat and Diesel made a sound like a dying rat. I couldn't just stand here and watch this... So I did the only thing I could think of and swung my leg back, kicking Dom in the nuts as hard as I could. He dropped, winded and I ran forward and kicked Cerberus straight between the legs, hard. He grunted, growled, jerked away from Diesel and tried to grab me but he was a little slow after I'd kicked him. He got me by the shoulders and I kicked him again. This time he went to his knees.

There was the sound of a truck approaching and I recognised Elmer the fire-farter going as fast as he could into the clearing. He shuddered to a stop next to us and I ran to Diesel, who was bleeding profusely.

"Get the medallion..." He rasped and I ran back and yanked it from Cerberus' neck. Elmer helped load Diesel into the truck then he went back and stood in front of Cerberus.

"Oh, shit!" The wolf yelled and jumped to his feet, but he was too slow. Elmer farted – a real ripper of a fart that seemed to have been building for a while – and Cerberus went up in flames, yowling and screaming until he was either dead or unconscious.

"Did you kill him?" I asked, as Elmer hitched him in the back with some lengths of chain.

"Naw. Not permanently at least. He heals real fast, but he'll be out of it for a while 'til Diesel can get to him."

"How did you know we were here?"

"Diesel gave me fifty bucks to wait for him and said if he wasn't back in ten minutes I should come looking for him. He said he'd give me another fifty if I took this guy home and kept him 'til he came back for him."

I climbed into Elmer's truck and he drove me to my car. "You should get Diesel to a hospital. I'm gonna take care of this guy back home."

"Okay. Thanks. I guess I'll see you later..." Elmer put Diesel in my car, waved goodbye and took off. I cranked the engine over and called Ranger as soon as I hit town.

"Babe. Where are you? Your mother said you and Diesel were in Atlantic City but you've been parked way out of town for over a day now."

"Yeah, look, I'm fine but Diesel needs a hospital. Meet me at St. Francis in ten... and he may need a rabies shot..."

"I'll be there." He hung up.

I screamed into the emergency lot and Ranger met me at the car, lifting Diesel out and carrying him in. "What happened to him?"

"I'll tell you later. Let's just say it was a really nasty dog..."

"Hmmm. I'm guessing that would be easier to explain?"

"Yeah."

"Babe."

We took Diesel straight through to the trauma unit, where Ranger plonked him on a bad and nurses rushed around finding sutchers and bandages. The doctor gave him a tetanus shot and a shot for rabies.

I stood in a corner with Ranger while they worked and after about an hour, the nurses disappeared and the doctor told me Diesel was going to be okay. Ranger got a call and left.

I went to sit by Diesels bed and up close I'd never seen him look so frail. It made me get a lump in my throat seeing him this way. I traced a finger lightly down his bare chest and he murmured quietly, then went silent. I guessed the morphine had him conked out.

One of the nurses came over to me and said; "Visiting hours are almost over for non-relations. How are you related to this guy again?"

I said the first thing that popped into my head. "I'm his fiancé."

"Oh, well that's okay then. What's his name, by the way? So far all we have is 'the big guy down the hall.'"

I smiled at that. "His names Diesel... Er, John Diesel." I finished, remembering the name he'd once used in a poker game in Atlantic City.

"Oh, thanks." She wrote it on a clipboard and left.

I looked down at Diesel and saw that he had his eyes open. He looked a little out of it, but at least he was awake. "Hey, how are you feeling?"

"Like I got run over by a truck. A big one..."

"Yeah, welcome to being normal."

"Being normal sucks. It's painful and these drugs are making me feel dopey..."

"They're supposed to."

He managed a weak smile. "So, we're engaged now?"

"Huh?"

"I heard you tell the nurse you were my fiancé."

I blushed crimson. "I had to say something or she'd make me leave."

He chuckled softly. "Boy, your Grandmother's gonna be happy."

"My parents won't. My sister'll be unbearable!"

"Yeah... Still, it could be fun..." He chuckled a bit and his eyes went out of focus. "There's lights everywhere... Is it Christmas?"

"No. It's morphine."

"Oh... Damn. Last Christmas was kinda fun..." He laughed faintly again, then dropped off to sleep.

I suddenly realised I was still holding the medallion. I held it in the light and looked at it close up, tracing the intricate designs with my finger. It was kind of pretty. I wondered what it would look like on and placed it around my neck.

I suddenly felt all tingly, like there was a whole bunch of electricity running through me. I felt like I could take a bullet and live. I was also hungry. I went to the cafeteria and ordered some food; Large fries, burger, large shake and a chicken and salad sandwich. I surprised myself by eating it all.

I went to the bathroom and tried the knob. Locked. I tried it again. The door swung open. _Weird._ I did my thing and went back to Diesel. His eyes were open again. He smiled at the confused look on my face.

"I just opened a locked bathroom door without trying."

Diesel grinned. "I think I know where Cerberus was stashing my power..."

I looked at the amulet. "No way! How come you didn't know? And how did he do it if he didn't have it?"

"It wasn't activated and he must've done it after he bit me... Probably trying to transfer them to himself but he never got that far since you interrupted him... I'm guessing they've been sort of stored there since he bit me and we just didn't know about it... Cool huh?"

"Yeah... I like it. I might not want to give them back... At least, not just yet..."

"That's mean."

"Yeah, but I still have an FTA to catch and he keeps shooting at me..."

"I guess I could let you borrow them for awhile... just until the stitches come out."

I bent down and kissed him firmly on the lips.

"Shit!"

"What?"

"Does it always feel like that?"

I smirked. "Yeah."

No wonder I'm so damned irresistible... My feet are tingly..."

I grinned and said; "You're lucky I didn't french you... The smoke alarms would've gone off..."

"Smart ass."

I grinned again gave him a careful hug, then left the hospital to go after my FTA.


	4. Strange Happenings And Odd Conversations

Plum Hairy.

Chapter 4:

James Gorbeck was booked for armed robbery and assault and he'd shot at me a lot of times... I really wanted to catch this guy. He was worth five thousand bucks and I really needed to pay my rent and go food shopping.

I went to Gorbeck's house and went to the door. I didn't bother knocking, the door just swung open when I turned the knob. Gorbeck was in front of the TV and he didn't look happy to see me.

"Fuck! How'd you get in! The door was locked!"

I grinned, "Magic fingers."

Gorbeck raised a gun at me. "Magic this."

"You know, I really hate it when you shoot at me."

He fired a shot that missed me by inches. "Okay, now I'm just pissed off! So far I've been kidnapped, ransomed, used for bait and my family thinks I'm marrying Diesel! And now I have some asshole shooting at me!"

I lunged forward as Gorbeck tried to take another shot and ripped the gun out of his hand. I fired a couple of rounds into the ceiling and one into his foot.

"Yow! Fuck! Are you fuckin' crazy! You can't just go around shooting people like that!"

"Why not? You do it all the time. Hurts, doesn't it?"

"Ow, yeah. You shot my fuckin' foot!"

I grabbed Gorbeck and cuffed him and then I dragged his hundred and ten pound ass back to my car and drove him to the police station. I dragged him to the docket lieutenant, who was talking to Carl Costanza.

"Oh, shit! He shot himself, right?"

"Yeah. If that's easier."

"Trust me, it is."

I got my receipt and left. I was almost to my car when I felt a weird tingling feeling and a slight tugging sensation and suddenly I was in the hospital with Diesel.

"Wha...! How...! What just happened!"

"You did the 'poof'-and-you're-gone thing."

"Scary."

"Yeah. It comes in useful though. They took my stitches out. Did you get your FTA?"

"Yeah, I got him... I kinda shot him in the foot. You can go now, right?"

Diesel laughed a bit at that. "Yeah, I can go."

"Wait a minute... I haven't got a car. I kind of left it at the police station..."

"Oh, yeah."

"How do I do the 'poof' thing again?"

"You concentrate really hard..."

"Can I poof both of us?"

"Yeah, I guess so. I've never really done it before, but I s'pose it's possible."

Diesel grabbed my hand and I thought of my mother's place. There was food and a car there. I opened my eyes and we were in my mother's kitchen. She jumped and screamed when she saw me.

"Oh! Stephanie! I didn't hear you come in! You almost gave me a heart attack!"

Grandma Mazur was there as well. "It's like she just popped up out of nowhere! And look! Diesel's here too!"

My mother looked at the wine cabinet.

We sat down to dinner and Valerie flounced out of the living room. "Hey! Look who's here! I have great news! Me and Grandma have got the hall booked for the first and everything else is already set to go! Now we just have to find you a dress... Oh, and I suppose Diesel will need a suit..."

I looked over at Diesel and he whispered; "I don't do suits."

"Well, I don't do weddings, but it looks like we're stuck with it... I don't know how to get _out_ of it!"

"Me neither... Damn! We're so screwed!"

We managed to survive dinner and I borrowed the Buick to get home in. We trudged into my apartment and collapsed on the bed. Diesel wrapped his arms around me and hugged me to him.

"I'm glad you're okay."

"Yeah, me too. I'd kind of miss you if you were gone permanently."

"I don't have to go... Well, okay, I do... But you could always come with me?" He asked, hopefully.

"What would I tell everyone?"

"Tell them you got promoted." He grinned.

I grinned back and flicked a strand of hair behind his ear. "I might go with you... I mean, we _are_ getting married in a week."

"Yeah, apparently we are... But first, you have something that belongs to me..." He reached over and unhooked the medallion from my neck.

"Aw, damn. And just when I was starting to figure it all out!"

"Yeah, life sucks... But I might be able to get you some of your own... Someday..."

"That would be cool."

Diesel put the medallion in and gave a little shiver. "Oh, man! That feels better!"

"So, does this mean you're super-Diesel again?"

"Yeah."

"Good. 'Cos normal Diesel scared the crap out of me when he nearly died."

"You don't want me to die."

"No. At least... Not before I try being married to you." I grinned.

"Diesel groaned. "I hate suits."

"I know you do. Toughen up. Wait... Who's gonna be your best man?"

"Flash."

"Figures. You should call him."

"Are we really going through with this?"

"Do you _want_ to?"

"Yeah, I guess. It could be fun."

"You're not gonna leave me at the altar are you?"

"No. I wouldn't do that to you. Anyone else, yeah, but not you."

"Good to know."

"Flash is gonna love this..." He grabbed the phone and dialled. "Hi... No, I'm cool now." There was a pause. "Yeah, the power's back on. I have a favour to ask you... No! Not that kind of favour... for once... You're not gonna believe this... and don't laugh or I'll kill you..." Pause. "I'm kind of getting married to Stephanie in a few days and I need a best man..."

I could hear Flash laughing on the other end of the phone. "You're shitting me, right!" He said, loud enough for me to hear.

"No."

"Is she there?"

"Yeah." Diesel put the phone on speaker.

"Hello?"

"Holly cow, Steph! Are you nuts! Diesel! Are you serious!"

"Yeah." He was laughing again. "My grandmother's booked the hall for the first."

"Holly shit! I gotta call Annie, she'll have a fit!" He hung up, still laughing.

"Damn." Diesel said. "By tomorrow, everyone'll know."

"Everyone probably already does..." Except for Joe and Ranger, possibly. "I dialled Ranger first.

"Yo."

"Uhm, hey... You know how my family keeps thinking me and Diesel are getting married?"

"Yeah."

"They booked a hall... and everything..."

"Babe."

"I know."

"_Are_ you going to marry Diesel?"

"I think so."

"What about Joe?"

"I have no idea. I called you first."

"Babe. Do I have to kill Diesel?"

"No!"

"Do I need to kill Joe?"

"Maybe... Oh, and can you do me a favour? I kind of left my car at the hospital... Somehow..."

"I'm not even gonna ask." He said.

"Probably a good idea."

"Babe." He hung up.

"I think he took that okay."

"He was laughing."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Shit!" The phone rang. It was Joe.

"Steph?"

"Yeah... Did Ranger call you?"

"No... I just had a feeling... Diesel's still there isn't he?"

"Yeah..."

"I'm gonna kill him. Your grandmother called me."

"Shit!"

"Are you really gonna marry him? Do you _want_ to marry him?"

"Uhm..."

"Shit! I knew it!" He hung up, sounding pissed.

"Someone's gonna get shot." I said, dejectedly.

"I could make you forget about that." Diesel said, smiling.

"Maybe later... I'm beat." And I collapsed into Diesel's arms, instantly asleep...

***000***

N/A: I know, this one is short. lol. But I just kinda wanted to get another one up cos it's taking me so damned long to type anything up these days. lolz. So yeah, next chapter will be better, promise! lol.


	5. Pulling the Plug

_A/N: Sorry about the fricking insanely long wait between chapters! Lol. I've spent a lot of time in and out of hospital pregnant with baby number two and my hubbys been in and out of there as well for a few months cos he's stupid and keeps tryna move cement mixers on his own and ends up with abscesses and blood poisoning... One really good reason why no one should ever try to move a cement mixer single handedly... lol. Anyways, I finally managed to find some down time in my crazy-hectic life to get this finished and posted! Lol. Once again, apologies for the freakin long wait... lol. Anyways, enough of my insane ramblings and on with the story... lol. (Honestly I'm sure you've all waited long enough for me to finish it..!) lol._

Plum Hairy.

Chapter 5:

The next few days were a nightmare, although I did manage to find a gown I actually liked. I didn't see Diesel the night before the wedding, he stayed with Flash and I stayed in my apartment. My family were unbearable.

I fidgeted while Valerie finished fixing up my hair and she said; "Steph, trust me, you'll be fine." This from the girl who got tricked into her marriage!

I was surprised when everything went smoothly except for Joe's Grandma Bella threatening to put the eye on me before the ceremony. Diesel held her off the ground and told her to back off or he'd turn her into a toad. I think she believed him.

Diesel looked freakin gorgeous in a suit and my breathing hitched every time I looked at him. His open-mouthed comment on my dress had been; "Sheeit." I knew what he meant.

Half the town and almost everyone Diesel knew had turned up and I recognised a few people. Elmer, Annie Hart, Snuggy O Conner, Even the Easter bunny and Sasquatch were there along with Doug the horse Sasquatch was wearing a trench coat and a hat at the back of the room. Doug was at the back door. Joyce Barnhardt had turned up just to be a pain in the ass and was looking jealously at Diesel from the back. I waved and she looked away. Joe and Ranger were both stoic but they didn't seem too unhappy. I'd have to buy Joe a pizza and beer one day. Even Carl, the monkey was there with Suzan Stitch. Carl waved and gave Diesel the finger. Diesel did it back.

The ceremony went well and I couldn't stop myself from smiling. When the Justice of the Peace told Diesel he could kiss the bride I almost hyperventilated. It was even better than the first time he'd frenched me. _Everything_ went tingly and my temperature ratcheted up a few levels beyond normal. He tasted bloody amazing!

Lula wolf whistled and I heard Connie laughing. When Diesel stopped kissing me I looked up and saw Morelli and Ranger grinning. Everyone else looked slightly shocked. My mother looked like she might faint.

Once everyone had dispersed to food tables or out back for a smoke Lula barrelled up to me. "Girl, you looked like you was gonna melt if he kissed you any longer!"

"I thought I was." I grinned. "Diesel's a _really_ good kisser."

"Bet he's good at all the other stuff too."

"He is." Too good.

"You're gonna get some tonight."

"Yep."

Connie was smirking behind her. "If you're not in tomorrow I'll know to look for a gooey puddle on your bedroom floor."

"It might be an idea."

Lula glanced over at Diesel, who was getting cake. "He really that good?"

"Yeah. Better. More than better..."

Connie grinned as Diesel walked up beside me with cake. "It's chocolate. I know you like chocolate." He fed me a bit of cake and Lula and Connie ran off to get some, still grinning.

Diesel flicked a piece of hair behind my ear. "So... I'm assuming you're leaving with me then?"

"Yeah. Where are we going?"

"Well, where do you want to go?"

"Somewhere warm. Surprise me."

"How about Africa?"

"I could live with that."

"What do you say we bail outa here back to your apartment?"

"Yeah, all these people are giving me a headache."

Diesel took my hand. "Now, close your eyes and count to 10." I closed my eyes, counted to five and opened them. We were in my apartment and Diesel was still there.

"Usually you disappear when you say that."

"Usually I tell you to count to a hundred."

"True."

"Do you?"

"No. I only ever get to twenty."

Diesel laughed and pulled me to the bedroom. "Now that I'm super-Diesel again, I get to turn you into a marshmallow."

"You did that last time."

"Yeah, but this time will be better."

I didn't doubt him and he wasn't wrong." Somehow my clothes had mysteriously disappeared and Diesel was crouched naked on top of me. He was really warm.

"Mmm... You're always so warm."

"Yeah, I know. I have a high body temperature." He slid forward, pushing into me and the world disappeared. I think I orgasmed a bunch of times.

Diesel made an odd moaning, grunting sound and I saw stars. "Oh, shit! _Diesel!_" It was like he was all around me... Inside, outside... A thought that wasn't mine went through my head; '_You look sexy when you sweat..._'

Diesel pulled out and the Earth slowly started to come back. "Did you just _think_ that thought or am I going crazy?"

He smiled. "I didn't say anything. It was a thought."

"That's weird."

"Honey, that's not weird, it's _magic_."

"Mmmm..."

Diesel lay down next to me and I snuggled into him, feeling pretty damned comfortable. "You're not gonna disappear are you?" I asked, sleepily.

"Not without you." Diesel whispered. "Now close your eyes and count to a hundred..."

***000***

I woke up to a loud '_bang!_' and Diesel was dragging me out of bed. "What...? What's happening?"

"Your apartment's on fire again... I think Don came back and tried to kill you with a firebomb." I sighed. '_Damn!_' This firebombing thing was getting old.

We got out to the parking lot and Dillon Rudick, the building super came over to us. "You're gonna owe me a six-pack for this."

"Yeah, I know. Did the police catch the guy who did it?"

"Nah. Ranger got him. He followed you home. I think."

"Damn. That's embarrassing."

"Yeah. The whole building heard you."

"Shit!"

Diesel was grinning. "Damn! I'm good!"

I punched him in the arm. He didn't say 'ouch' this time.

"I hope you two've got somewhere to stay for a while."

Diesel grinned again. "Yeah. We're going to Africa."

"Cool." Dillon left and Diesel dragged me to the Buick. "We have to go deal with Cerberus... Elmer still has him."

Diesel drove to the Barrens and pulled up beside Elmer's truck. "Do I get to see you pull the plug on this guy's power now?"

"Yeah."

I had mixed feelings about seeing Diesel pull the plug, but I followed him 'round the back of Elmer's trailer anyways to where Cerberus was chained up in a heavy-duty steel cage. He didn't look happy to see us.

"Bitch! You kicked me in the nuts!"

Diesel grinned. "Yeah, it's her signature move. Your lackey firebombed her apartment. Ranger caught him leaving the scene."

"Don was always an idiot... So, you gonna shut me down now, or what?"

"Yeah, I am." Diesel poked his hands through the bars and tried to grab him, and Cerberus lashed out, trying to bite him. "If you try to bite me one more time I'll let Stephanie kick you in the nuts again." Cerberus bared his teeth and Diesel reached out again, one hand either side of his head. "This is gonna hurt you a lot."

He closed his eyes and shivered violently and Cerberus howled in pain, trying to break Diesels hold. He didn't let go. Cerberus started shrieking and slumped over, whimpering now and Diesel was suddenly wracked by a great shudder. His breathing slowed and his eyes rolled back into his head. It looked painful.

I reached out to touch him and he jerked round suddenly, eyes blazing, looking mean. "Don't touch me...!" It was almost a snarl and I jerked my hand away, afraid he might turn and attack me.

Cerberus had stopped shuddering and Diesel grunted and let go, slumping to the ground, breathing hard. "Diesel...?" My voice was barely above a whisper and when Diesel looked up at me his eyes were glowing white, jaw clenched and he rasped out; "Don't move... Wait..."

I waited and after a while Diesels eyes slowly faded back to their normal colour and his jaw loosened. He was breathing normally now. He closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose and said quietly; "Sorry... He was fighting. It's always Harder when they fight. If you'd touched me I could have seriously hurt you... or worse."

"Does that happen all the time?"

"No. Only with the bad ones, like Cerberus and Wulf. They fight and it hurts. Sometimes I get a bit... feral... when I'm like that."

I shivered, remembering the wild look in Diesels eyes and his harsh tones when he'd spoken to me. Diesel could be kinda scary sometimes. Your eyes were glowing. It was creepy."

"Yeah. I don't like having to do it. It hurts and I feel like I'm losing control to my dark side... but I'm the only one with the power to do it." He grinned a little. "It's okay. You can touch me now/ I'm cool."

I took his hand between both of mine. It was boiling hot and felt tingly like he'd touched an electric fence. "Your hand feels weird."

"_All_ of me feels like that. Residual power, it'll fade after a while. I bet if I kissed you, your hair would all stand up." He leaned and kissed me, lightly and I felt a jolt like I'd been zapped through with lightning. I looked down and swore my sneakers were smoking.

"My shoes are smoking."

"Yeah, I told you that could happen. If I'd frenched you just now they'd be on fire."

I actually sort of believed him. "Now what do we do with him?"

"Someone picks him up and takes him to the loony bin."

"And you?"

"Me? Now I take you to Africa for our honeymoon."

I looked at him, suspicious. "How are you gonna do that?"

Diesel took my hand and grinned. "Close your eyes and count to a hundred..."

I closed my eyes and counted to twenty...

***000***

Fins! Lol. Oh my frickin god! It took me so long to finish typing this! Lol. Thank Rassilon I finally managed to find the time to do it! Lol. Also thanks to all you patient people who favourite this and are following it cos I know I took forever to get this last chapter up... lol. Hope my ending doesn't entirely suck. Let me know how I did. Lol.

Cheers, JSB.


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